Joke Thread

[Bigdave]

Arsenal have announced plans to rename their trophy cabinet.

Its now going to be called 'The Cabinet'

[Bigdave]

My mum asked for a surprise for Mothers Day.

Can't wait to see the look on her face when we pull up at the old peoples home.

Made me laugh but its fcu kin wrong!!

[Bigdave]

Some Japanese tourists asked me to take a picture of them. When i said 'Wave' they ****1n legged it! Nice camera though

[Youvebeenrangered]

Walking along the other day some lad come running up to me and chucked a massive block of cheese in my face!!!..

Thought to myself, thats not very mature.

[Quaz]

Just slept with a girl with eczema,
she had a ''cracking f@nny.!!!

[EYR]

Whats the mating call of a black bird?

Put it in ma #### Leroy.

[hemelhoop]

A blond gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to go and speak to him. "You ok?" she says. "Yes" he says. "You know you can play with the other kids"
"Its best if I stay here he replies". Why? She asks. To which the boy replies "because I'm the f***in goalie"

[northampton rs]

Whats the mating call of a black bird?

Put it in ma #### Leroy.

[acricketer]

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world. He will bet $50 on it. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. So the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the man says, "Can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to **** it as soon as I get those pajamas off.

[TBLOCKRANGER]

What have women and hurricanes got in common?

Both wet & windy when they come, and when they go they take the house.

[Bigdave]

I dont know why Fulham fans are complaining. Im sure their statue was cheaper than the £50m Chelsea paid for theirs

[martyhoop]

What have spurs and Heather Mills got in common?
The second leg is just for show....

[martyhoop]

Roman Abramovich took the chelsea team out for a meal to celebrate their champions league victory over Copenhagen.A young spanish girl walks over and asks john Terry to sign her arm,she then asks Frank Lampard to sign her left breast and Anelka to sign her right breast.Then she drops her knickers and says to Abramovich 'sign this' He replies "f.off, the last time i signed a spanish c**t it cost me £50 million

[SpankwiR]

How do you spot a Japanese prostitute?


She's the one in fish nets.

[BennyBoyRs]

Paddy & Mick are walking down the road, mick says 'you're a c**t, you've always been a c**t & you always will be, everything about you makes you a c**t, a complete & utter c**t. in fact if you entered a c**t competition you'd come 2nd' - paddy says 'why wouldnt i come first?' mick replies ' because you're a c**t!!'