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Has anybody seen the new Star Trek toilet paper?
It circles Uranus looking for Klingons.
It circles Uranus looking for Klingons.
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'Only a Ranger!' cried Gandalf. 'My dear Frodo, that is just what the Rangers are: the last remnant in the South of the great people, the Men of West London.' - Lord of the Rings, Book II, Chapter I - Many Meetings. -
Get your coat !!!Originally posted by dsqpr View PostF*CK OFF CHELSEA WEST LONDON IS OURS!
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My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday.
"B0ll0cks!" I said. "I didn't even know it was your birthday."You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.Comment
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Originally posted by bonheurjh View Post
lol classic....
.................. i don't geddit:strive::strive:
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Originally posted by QPRDave View Postlol classic...................... i don't geddit:strive::strive:
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you will get it if you read it twiceOriginally posted by QPRDave View Postlol classic...................... i don't geddit:strive::strive:Comment
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Don't be mad, just being entertaining ;)
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A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.Comment
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I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.Comment
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"Doctor, I can't seem to give my girlfriend an orgasm."
"Does she tell you what she likes?"
"Yes."
"And what does she like?"
"Other men..."Comment
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.'Only a Ranger!' cried Gandalf. 'My dear Frodo, that is just what the Rangers are: the last remnant in the South of the great people, the Men of West London.' - Lord of the Rings, Book II, Chapter I - Many Meetings.Comment
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Police arrested two teenagers yesterday.One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
Courtesy of the late,great Tommy Cooper.Comment
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was in east london earliar , this fella run up to me and pulled my pants up from behind ..... i think it was wedgie krayComment
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