Totally True made up Facts about John Terry

[spank the monkey]

his eyes are actually perfectly smooth and flat, his butler/ slave injects harvested monkey jiz beneath each eye daily to acheive that 'gimp eyed' look he loves

in an effort to rid itself of any connection to john terry his old school volunteered to be demolished for the olympics, despite being 23 miles from the nearest veune


any more?

[Factamondo]

he is a decendant of ####e kinte!!

[Bluehoop]

He's no racist, but can't help himself when it comes to making racist comments - which means he's just misunderstood the poor little knobcheese

[spank the monkey]

he is a decendant of ####e kinte!!

he has invested £2m in a parachute that opens on impact and thinks the menopause is a function on his ipad

[Norths]

He still maintains it was a banana skin that caused his slip.

[MattyRangers]

John Terry actually has a fetish of smelling soiled underwear.

Whilst in the Chelski youth team, his overwhelmig urge to sniff stained under garments almost cost him his shot at a pro career when Steve Jones (the youth team manager at the time), walked in on Terry with his mothers stolen french knickers on his head whilst bouncing on his thumb sitting on the team's massage table ahead of a crucial FA Youth cup tie against Wycombe.

Following this incident, Terry was sent to a special rehabilitation clinic in Great Yarmouth (where he became pally with a chap named Grant Holt that was overcoming his addiction to placing his penis in parked car's exhaust pipes and tweaking his own nipples). During his time at the clinic it was said John not only overcame his addiction, but also excelled in such activities as colour-by-numbers (as below photographic evidence) and also learnt to spell his name. In joined up writing.



Since his treatment, John has only once "come off the wagon", but he was soon brought back down to earth when he realised the underwear he was sniffing actually belonged to Ed De Goey; who had a habit of wearing his pants back to front.

[MattyRangers]

Expected more "factual stories" of the great man himself..... :strive:

[spank the monkey]

Expected more "factual stories" of the great man himself..... :strive:

fear factor matty, c'mon guys, whats he gonna do.. sue us?

"mr monkey, did you suggest england captain john terry knocks one out twice a day on a framed signed photo of anne widdicombe?"

"mr mondo....

[bushcelt1]

his dad was a "linesman"....

[Factamondo]

his mum didnt realise you had to pay for goods before leaving the shops!

[MattyRangers]

his dad was a "linesman"....

his mum didnt realise you had to pay for goods before leaving the shops!

Funniest bit about these are they are actually true

[Kirill]

John Terry is a wonderful human being.

[bushcelt1]

his favourite programme as a kid was DESMONDS!!!

[Factamondo]

his middle names are 'martin luther'!

[QPR_NW10]

he got sent off because a player walked into his knee